Fun Insults.

Now, often people ask me "Songbird, songbird, how are you so smart and capable of coming up with such awesome, mind-tingling comebacks in any given argument?" and I just clear my throat and speak in my Yoda voice "It is an ancient art that I have mastered with precision and hardwork, and only non-dweebs unlike you can master it."

Well, I lied. No one really asks me that, but in case they ever wonder (they just don't ask out of ego, I'm sure!) I happen to have made a list just for you! 

I'm not being a misanthrope when I claim that the human race has, in fact, some rather boring ways of cursing people. The usual "YOU SUCK!" "WELL YOU SUCK MORE!" "WELL YOUR MOMMA SUCKS YO ASS" is just way too drab and boring these days, so why not spice up your argument a bit, with these Fun Insults!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1) You're so ugly that if I were to cry because of your ugliness, even my tears would be too disgusted to come out.

2) Kindly turn cannibal and eat yourself. Or eat me. 

3) I will push you into a blackhole.

4) Guh---geehh---guuhh *says something incomprehensible*. Oh, I'm sorry, the bile collecting in my throat because of your disgusting remark is preventing me from speaking properly. 

5) I thought you were cute in the beginning, but now you're just a dirt-filled cuticle. 

6) You're so funny you make me snort. 

7) Your face makes me want to puke on it. Oh wait, looks like somebody already did. 

8) If we were married, I'd divorce you right away.  

9) OH, IT'S YOU! *runs away and hides behind door/book/Victorian buttress* Hello? 911...

10) You are an expired Diet Coke.  

11) Your name is a curse to my mouth.

12) You a stupid hoe, you a you a stupid hoe (x3) 

Oh wait. You're not even worth being a stupid hoe. You're just a gardening hoe. 

13) You a stupid hoe, you a, you a stupid hoe (x3)

You a stupid hoe, (yeah) you a, you a stupid hoe

You a stupid hoe, you a, you a stupid hoe (stupid, stupid)

You a stupid hoe, you a, you a stupid hoe (stupid, stupid)

You a stupid hoe, you a, you a stupid hoe (stupid, stupid)

(stupid, stupid)

14) If we were in the 1800s, I wouldn't show you my ankles.

15) You're such a loser, I bet you have loose motions everyday. 

16) I thought your hair was beautiful, until I saw it coming out of your nostrils. 

17) When I look into your eyes, I'm suddenly sure of what I want in life- You. Dead. 

18) Come here, let me hug your throat with my hands.

19) You see, it's people like you who make me want to live in isolation. 

20) If you ever acted in a movie, your face would have to be censored. 

Some of these may seem familiar, but I tried being as original as I could be. But these are too mainstream, especially if you're Indian. I just felt this post would be incomplete without some desi insults that I came up with.

---Desi Insults:

1) Your humor is so dry that it requires frying in some pure desi ghee.

2) I will wrap my dupatta around your fat, brown neck.

3) I will roll your face out like a chappati.

4) Wow, you bark so well! You'd be best friends with my dog.

5) Aap kela ho. (You're a banana)

6) OYE! You don't know my name! (Starts singing "Sheila Ki Jawaani")

7) Your voice is so annoying that people record it to use it as their truck's horn. 

8) When I first met you, I thought you'd be like the spice to my curry. But now you're making the curry way too chilly. 

9) My autorickshaw is wayyyy better than yours. 

10) People hate you so much that even your groom from your arranged marriage would run away the night before your marriage.

11) Your mind is so dirty that even Washing Powder Nirma won't be enough to clean it.

12) I hate you so much that I'm actually going to let you pay the bill at the restaurant.

13) Aww, you're so sweet! (To waiter)- Bhai saab! Please get me some chai, but without sugar. I want to dip my friend's face in it to sweeten it. 

14) You're a South-Indian Potato.

15) You're so ugly, even Fair and Lovely wouldn't make you better looking. 

16) Your Indian accent is so fake, it sounds American. 

17) When you shout, I feel like India. Because your spit borders me on three sides (like the Indian peninsula)

18) You're so untalented that you won't be an engineer. Or a doctor. 

19) Have you seen the movie 3 Idiots? You're not even cool enough to be one of them.

20) I will make the most beautiful firework out of you this Diwali! 

I apologize if you're not Indian and feel left out, just remember, you're still loved!!

As for the rest, I hope I have inspired you with some of these insults. I know that more of these are easily available on the world wiiide web, but I still wanted to come up with some on my own. Also, *Note- Please don't use these insults in a legit argument. If you do, wear an armor to avoid being covered in squished tomatoes. :)

I hope my sense of humor wasn't a complete fail this time. 

Okay, I should probably sleep now. 

Goodnighhhtt